Category Archives: fashion

Stupid Model Things I did #2 ………. Horror at Space Mountain

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This time I was on a trip to Florida for a very dorky Dutch catalog of which evidence can be found here:

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Booked by my favorite Dutch photographer, Boudewijn Notenboom, who took us to DisneyWorld for a last day surprise. On the way we passed a small plane that had landed on the Florida Turnpike – an auspicious start to our day

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I’d seen Bambi and Snowwhite, but I’d never heard of DisneyWorld and had no expectations of what was to come…

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This was apparent in my choice of top that day – a hot new design called

 the Boob Tube

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the basic design

and on the body

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First we explored the world of Disney, where we were accosted by Mini, Goofy and Pluto and Boudewijn took polaroids, we walked the main street with endless shops that sold nothing I wanted, and visited the castle, which was merely a plastic facade. After all this disappointment Space Mountain sounded exciting and I followed the others onto the ride

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I’d never been on a rollercoaster

I didn’t even know they existed

so I had no idea what was gonna happen, as my cart climbed and climbed and climbed

and then…

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and then…

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feeling sick, dizzy and relieved it was all over

I exited the mountain

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where I was greeted by thunderous applause and laughter

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I looked down

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and…

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… lived traumatized ever after.

For more stupid model stories buy Stupid Model in Paris here:

http://www.amazon.com/STUPID-MODEL-Paris-Barbara-Vries-ebook/dp/B00HZ1GH8Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390686886&sr=1-1&keywords=stupid+model+in+paris

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Filed under beauty, embarrassed, fashion, naked, topless, Uncategorized, youth

Biebered

Everything happens in Miami. Just as I’m not looking. Like last night Justin Bieber drag raced below my bedroom window (relatively speaking on the infinite scale of the entire universe, so don’t start outing me with comments that it was several blocks south).

He was nabbed by the Miami Beach police and resisted arrest. They say. But thats what they always say. If you’re not falling into their arms yodeling that you’re sorry, they write on your arrest form that you “resisted arrest.” Hey Bieber was lucky that they didn’t tase him with their favorite gotcha toy ( used on young males of any color, tourists included).

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This happened at 4.13 am (note the 13 and not 10 or 15, that’s one sober cop) and by the time America brushed its teeth and poured its milk into its cereal a mega media story had been launched.

Baby Bieber’s mugshot was on every TV channel, every tweet, FB post looking like someone had told him it was a shoot for Teen.com, or better still a casting call for a cute new lesbian on Orange is the New Black. Smile! And hysterical news casters (inc. the likes of Anderson Cooper) came in their panties analyzing what could possibly have led to the downfall of the young role model to millions. Psychiatrists, lawyers, political analysts and weeping fans were interviewed and their conclusion was, with much head shaking: Bieber suffered from “Impostor Syndrome” and it was merely a cry for help! And where were the Bieber parents? Really, and how could they let this happen?

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Meanwhile Bieber sat in his cell (surrounded by Miami clubbers arrested at LIV for trying to enter the VIP zone) and wondered where his friend God was. After all the credit he’d given to God for his success, tagging him in every tweet, had God really forsaken him in his hour of need? His much needed need to act his age and gender and be invisible while racing a rented Lamborghini on Miami Beach, while just a tiny teensy bit intoxicated?

God? God!

I bet God didn’t even notice. I mean as soon as God focusses his attention on Miami Beach, like sits on a cloud somewhere over South Florida, he sees nothing but yellow (or red) Lamborghinis driving @ 60mph. And when he bothers to zoom in (think Google Earth or Godle Earth),  he sees young testosterone pumped up with performance enhancers like alcohol, codeine and pot (he calls it marijuana, and planted it as an afterthought late on day six, and only for medicinal value) and too much time and money, everywhere.  Like Everywhere. Especially at 4.13 am.

So I imagine God shrugged, made a mental note to send the Devil a text later, asking him to go easy on the young Bieb, and turned his attention back to Chris Christie.

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Meanwhile, we, those who live in Miami Beach, smile and shrug the shrug of knowledge. Like man eats man’s face off? Like tasing a teen artist to death for tagging graffiti? Like a celebrity arrested for acting out? Of course! What do you expect? This is Miami!

And when I drove home last night, yes along Pinetree Drive enjoying its 15 minutes of fame (paparazzi are still hanging out – you know, for when time goes backwards and they’re the first on the scene), I looked over at the trophy wife in a black SUV right next on me. As per habit we stepped on it, raced for the orange light at 41st Street, speedometers hitting the 56mph mark, and made it, perfectly timed, just through red.

What?

What do you expect? This is Miami!

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Get Stupid Model – in Paris, the book here:

http://www.amazon.com/STUPID-MODEL-Paris-Barbara-Vries-ebook/dp/B00HZ1GH8Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1390682634&sr=1-1&keywords=stupid+model+in+paris

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Filed under beauty, celebs, fashion, Miami Beach, modeling, out of control, Uncategorized, young

Coming Soon

Stupid Model the book will be available on Amazon in February 2014…

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Filed under beauty, fashion, modeling, young, youth